Halloween

I must begin by saying that my mom is obsessed with facebook. Obsessed. Its my fault really, because I am the one who set up the account for her, so I really just need to suck it up hard and deal. One of the things that can get difficult with her facebook fixation is her strong ability to constantly post photos from my childhood and teen years that I pray will dissapear. Actually, thats a lie, because they are funny and give me reason to write a blog after six months of a dry spell. Okay, here we go.

Growing up, Halloween was always interesting. It reminds me a lot of the movie "Mean Girls". While all my friends would be dressed as Princesses and Kittycats, I would be a Rastafarian Gypsy wearing my great grandmothers glasses, a wig with dreds, and lipstick that looked like Ronald McDonald. My brother would be what looks to me like a Mexican Clown. Very PC. This was back in the day when you were allowed to wear your Halloween costume to school.

Exhibit A:

I also should mention that I have a really good memory, and the next photo is infact not from Halloween. It was slipped in with the Halloween pictures, but I promise you that it was taken on a Saturday morning at around 10 AM. My mom was out at Funky Fitness doing step aerobics in a thong unitard and my dad was probabaly busy organizing his coin collection in the basement, and I wanted to give them a good surprise when they got done with their leisurly weekend activities.

Exhibit B:

I wish it ended there. But it didn't. Good thing I had limited popularity because it would be a nightmare for me to re-live this over and over everytime I am on the can with only my senior yearbook to peruse. Phew.

Exhibit C:

I am not sure what exactly I was supposed to be, but I think I look like Meat Loaf...electrocuted.

Okay, the end.

Chef Beckerman

I have really become quite the chef! Okay, okay...not exactly. What I mean is that I have learned to cook chicken. Honestly, I could happily live off a bowl of cereal and a frozen dinner, but my girlfriend has requested I "tune up" on two things before we tie da knot. One of the "things" is learning to cook, and then other is driving (a story for another day!!!). 

Tonight, I made honey chicken. The ingredients are:

 a frying pan, honey....and chicken! 

Here is what it looked like:

(Note to self: it's a bad idea to leave chicken in the frying pan while going on the other room to check facebook)

It is rather lonely in my apartment because Steve isn't here. Steve has met a lovely Jersey Girl, and he is shacking up with her in New Jersey. He looks better than ever! He has lost some weight, gained some muscle, and doesn't spend alllllll day surfing x-tube and watching Cops. I am very proud of him...but I miss him. 

Steve's lady friend is a petite (yet husky) dark skinned woman named Princess. She's got attitude and sass.

Response to the Sneeze

For people who know me, it is fact that I enjoy talking and joking about sex....almost as much as I  enjoy the act of doing so!

 When my friend Debra Pasquella showed me several vlogs she posted on youtube that had footage of her and her loved ones sneezing, I was shocked with how many hits the videos got! I didn't really get it at first, but then Deb filled me in that there are some people that have a sneeze fetish. WHAT? 

What would that personal ad look like? "SWM looking for a nice woman to settle down with who has chronic allergies, uses Puffs, and visits an Ear Nose and Throat doctor regularly" 

So, my girlfriend and I went to a dinner party at Debra's house, and we started talking about the sneeze fetish, and the amout of hits her videos that incorperate sneezing get, and several glasses of wine later, Debra filmed my girlfriend and I making a video admitting our fetish for sneezing. 

Yes, I believe that there are people in this world that have a sneeze fetish. (Well, until this week i was in denial)  But, the video is obviously fake. We are laughing, being prompted, and my lady is a horrible actress (sorry sweetpea!).  Take a look at it. Does it seem real to you? In any way? NO, of course not. I talk about meeting my girlfriend at a "sneeze convention". I made it up.  The video is not sexy AT ALL. In fact, watching it creeps me out!  (but it's still funny)

While I was sitting at my desk, here is what danced across my computer screen on March 30th @ 3PM:

HEY HOW ARE YOU MISS BECKERMAN ,SAW YOUR VIDEO ON YOU TUBE ABOUT THE SNEEZING FETISH AND SNEEZE CONVENTION AND HAVE TO SAY SNEEZING AROUSES ME ALSO AND LOOKING FOR A SNEEZE QUEEN.HEARD YOUR GIRLFRIEND MENTION A SNEEZING FETISH CONVENTION AND INTERESTED IN FINDING WHERE THEY HAVE THEM AND LIKE TO GOTO ONE.VERY BIG SNEEZE FETISHIST AND LOVE TO ATTEND A PARTY IF HAVE IN NEW YORK.FROM BROOKLYN AND LOVE TO KNOW WHERE THESE CONVENTIONS ARE AND WOULD TRAVEL TO ANOTHER STATE TO FIND A SNEEZING MATE.SORRY TO BOTHER YOU BUT WOULD APPRECIATE THE INFO ON THIS SUBJECT BECAUSE LOVE TO FIND A WOMEN TO FALL IN LOVE WITH THAT SNEEZES ALOT.

Before I even had a chance to even write this blog, it happened again:

HEY AMY VERY INTERESTED IN THE SNEEZING FETISH YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND ARE INTO AND HAVE TO AGREE GET VERY AROUSED ALSO BY IT AND TRYING TO FIND SOME OF THOSE SNEEZE FETISH CONVENTIONS YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND WERE TALKING ABOUT ON YOU TUBE.WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE WHERE TO FIND THESE SNEEZE FETISH CONVENTIONS OR CLUBS WHEREEVER THEY MIGHT BE OR MEET.LIVE IN BROOKLYN NY AND WOULD LOVE TO FIND ONE IN NEW YORK SO I CAN FIND A NICE AVERAGE WOMEN WHO SNEEZES ALOT FOR LOVE AND MARRIAGE.SOPLEASE E-MAIL ME BACK  WITH THIS IMPORTANT INFO ,WULD REALLY APPRECIATE THIS

 The only person who may play a joke on me like this would be my father. However, his grammar would be better than this, even if he wasn't trying. Also, I don't think he would ever send anything to me with the word "aroused" in it.  I'm just sayin'. 

I had a nightmare last night that I was performing Dykes on Mics, and I was so excited because the room was filled with hundred of new fans! In the middle of my set, I couldn't even hear myself speak because everyone in the club was sneezing!!!

I will now leave so you have time to hide the black pepper before I come to your home and steal it.

With love,

The Sneeze Queen

Meet Ida

Sneeze Fetish Girls

My girlfriend and I hung out with the lovely Debra Pasquella and her wife last night, and we had an amazing time!!! 

Here is the proof:

Excuses

Oh hello. It's been awhile. Just like I did to get out of gym class in High School, I have lots of excuses. Except this time, I won't have to stay after school and make poster board spirit signs, clad with glitter, for the tennis team.

I am in a new relationship. Her name is Ann, but she goes by Wally. I usually refer to her as Ann because I don't anyone to think I feel off the homo bandwagon, yet again. She is 18 years older than me, and although the age difference may have been a concern at first, I totally have forgotten that she was probably shopping for her prom tux when I was shot out of my mothers vag.

She has changed my views on things. I usually hate PDA, but I am finally okay with it- I am able to hold her hand in public, give her a kiss on the cheek......because people probably just think I am being overly affectionate with my mother.

I feel like many people have been asking me my opinion on the election thinking I have something worthwhile to say, or a comedic twist, but I don't. In honor of the new president elect Obama, I ate a piece of chocolate cake.

feet

I will begin with some important newz: DYKES ON MICS WILL BE PERFORMING AT WOMENS WEEK IN PROVINCETOWN!

http://www.ptownarthouse.com/

We have a new cartoon that the talented Becca Symczyk created for us! I like it for many reasons, but mostly because I look skinny.

Last night Dykes on Mics had our 2nd show at Stonewall Inn. If you want to see us, the show is every Monday night at 7 PM. Its free, and I hear there are great drink specials.

As many of you know, I adopted a cat from the mean streets of Brooklyn last Summer. His name is Steve. He's great, but does anyone know how I can help him kick his toenail biting habit?

Heres a photo of my girlfriend getting a pedicure.

After the show at Stonewall, I walked by a pet store, and there were some adorable dogs in the window. I barely remember to feed the cat and the bamboo plant, so I dont think a dog is a good idea for me now. Here is a photo of the puppies. They are probabaly from a puppy mill, and thats bad too.

THE END